I just took a moment to read the comments that you have left for me but I cannot figure out how to respond back to each of you in person. I am so touched by each of your words. I do feel that I am so lucky to be loved this way. Yesterday I took the day to have a pity party. My poor sister stayed with me all day and all i did was sleep off and on, eat, pray and cry. I was pathetic. I was sitting there feeling sorry for myself. And I shouldn't feel that way at all. I have been here before, I know that this is not a punishment. I know that God has a plan for me and that I should not question it. There is someone out there much worse off than I am. Someone who has been struck with an illness and has no one to love them, or support them. Someone who has financial burdens so deep that they can not get the best treatment to save their life so they must take what they can get just to prolong the pain. How dare I feel sorry for myself. I am ashamed.
My friend Susan left a comment and I have to tell her that she is wrong. I am not always a strong, agressive fighter. I am vulnerable and scared to death. BUT I WILL NOT FEEL SORRY FOR ME ANYMORE! I want to fight the best fight and through my tears I will pray for God's mercy and ask him to heal me so that I can be a better person, a better Mother, Wife, Daughter, Sister, Friend. We can all be better. None of us are perfect, we never will be perfect, but we have to realize that there is room to be better and that's what matters.
Susan also said she was going to go and tell more people that she loves them and that she is sad that so many times things get in our way and we lose touch. This is true for all of us. We have to make time even if its just a quick text - to say - have a good day - i love you - i miss you. MAKE the TIME!
NO more pity party - time to get ready to rumble! This is Sunday, the Saints are playing, I will be with my family, just like any other Sunday except this Sunday happens to be the first one after my first chemo treatment...who cares.... I am not going to refer to my new life by the cancer or the treatment....so happy Sunday guys...go watch some saints kick ass... i love all of you....and always will MUAH!