Thursday, November 18, 2010

One day down and many blessings shown and surprises right there in front of your eyes

Table to the right of my chair where Mom said Fr Seelos would be "to my right" There were no other Fr Seelos cards in the room and the nurse did not know who left it there.
Well I tell you (Janelle) I never expected the day to be what it was.  I cannot believe how painful the insertion of the port needle was. I screamed and cried out and was so embarrased, but it really did hurt. Susan, my chemo nurse told me ahead of time that it would but I was not prepared for it. She said it would get easier as the port area healed, I pray she is right. But I do know for a fact that I will be taking a xanax beofre my next treatment on Dec. 9th.

Since the laws in place no longer allow anyone in the chemo area to sit with loved ones Mom and Wayne were not too happy. Mom text me this morning and said, "I wish I could be with you my baby, but you will be fine.I'll be holding your left hand and Fr Seelos will be holding your right." I moved my scapular of Fr over to my left side and I have a wooden Ft Seelos bracelet that I placed on my right wrist.So I get to the doctor's office and enter the chemo area. There are 4 chairs to the left of the room all facing the middle of the room and 1 chair on the right facing the middle of the room and then 2 chairs facing the entry way. There were 2 men seated nextto one another on the left. One was a young asian man,and the other an older man probably in his mid 70's. My plan was to grab the chair behind him so I didnt have to speak to anyone on my first day. This is so unlike me, but it was an actual thought in my head. As I headed to put my stuff down the nurse said, "no why not sit here." pointing to the one chair facing bith of them. UGHHH why me,not today. So i place my 2 bags on the floor, my purse on the chair and reach over to the small table nextto the chair to set my water down. I moved 2 decks of playing cards over and BAM right in front of me is a prayer card to Fr Seelos. I could not believe what I was seeing. This is blessings and surprises right here in front of me.  I moved my purse and sat down in shock and then realized he was to my right. Bet you know what happened next huh...yep tears and more tears. So of course I had to share so I tell the nurse. The nice man across from me Mr Jim found it to very interesting. I couldn't wait to share with Mom,Wayne and Danielle. Then Susan had to come and set me up which means the paragraph above then took place.  After I settled down, Danielle sent me a beautiful email that only she and I could relate to. I had most of what she said on my mind the rest of the day. I wantto thank all of my friends who kept texting me today but if I did not text back it's probably because I kept falling asleep during my texts. Found out later they had some benadryl in one of my bags! I then found out that I now have to return 4 times after my treatment to get a quick shot to boost my white cells, but that the shots cause pain...yippe ah a!

So anyway about 4:30 ish we get home and I am feeling just fine, but emtionally drained. I cried the whole way home,not for any particular reason. I think that this is normal for cancer patients.

So Mom and Pop come by at 6ish becasue I finally convinced her that I was to be felling fine this weekend and she did not have to miss hunting to stay home with me. Susan said I would probably not have major affects this time but after the next treatment yes. So anyway they come by and bring us a coputer desk they no longer used. And Mom gives me a cd froma friend of hers. It happened to be a christian cd,something that Danielle and I had spoken of just hours before to me. AGAIN a surprise and a blessing unexpected. After I explain the cd and Danielleand I's conversation she understood why I was so moved by it. Then to top it off Mom hands me a Clarion Herald which is the offical newspaper of the Archdioces of new orleans. A friend brought it to her at work becasue on the cover there is an article related to who else, Fr Seelos. Well I tell her your not going to believe this but Ms Karen (a friend and one of my former teachers) contacted me just yesterday asking for my address to send me one. Surprise and Bleesing!

Last but not least Candy an old friend of mine sends me a message to tell "Matt" hello. So I was like,"ummm Matt who?" She says "Dr Hottie, don't you remember him?" "Candy you must have the wrong Matt, this guy is just to special and kind." She said he has a brother named Stephen - Ellen this is the Matt we used to hang around. Welllo and behold she was right and once I out it all together it is Matt McKelveen and yes we hung in the same cirlce of friends. I told himhe was an arogant and conceited person in high school,he laughed atthat one and toldme not to holdback how I really felt. I told him it didnt matter because I was meant to be with him to be healed and that was amazing. He said he really didnt remember me - a girls worse nightmare,so I had to name who I hung out with from Brotehr Martin HIgh school that he would know. I named several people that he knew, but couldnt place me. I said I didnt really look the same back then but I did drive a red mustang convertible with the white rag top and that rang his bell! Also he aslked about my besty Ryan and was happtto know that Ryan was doing good and that he and I had come full circle once again. What a crazy day,I guess if you go back and read oneof my first blogs you can see why he didnt like me thinking he could be my dad, he should only be about 2 years older than me. LMAO Again blessings and surpises

Now how more loudly can God speak to me,to my Mom, to my friends. Fr Seelos is the glue to this puzzle. Every thing I request he has shown me to be. No I amnot "healed" yet, but we know I must make the sacrafices that my Lord Jesus Christ made for me. For without experiencing the pain and suffering that could lead towards death I would never appreciate the opportunity to live. Face Book has brought many people back into my life.Some were aquaintances then and still are now.Others were very close friends and we just went our own way,some were very special and by finding them now closure has taken place. I feelright now that the surprises that lead to Blessings are the best ever. And no matter how I look at it there is no doubting FACT. and the FACT of it is that these Surprises and Blessings are the start of my HEALING.

1 comment:

  1. I love you so very much Ellen and you are such a strong and beautiful woman. If anybody can conquer this it is YOU!!!!! I want to be close to you but I can't but I will be seeing you January at the other benefit for YOU!!!!!