Survived the weekend

Well I guess I did pretty good over the weekend. Slept almost all day off and on Saturday. Today was much better. When I spoke to my chemo nurse on Friday I asked when I would start feeling the side effects from this shot I have to get following my treatments and she said within 24 hours (Saturday) I should start getting achy and hurt in my bones. Well it aint happening yet - and i am not complaining. I woke up this morning and took a shower and when I dried my hair it looked a little thinner in some spots, thinking it was just my imagination I went to my pillow and was surprised to see that I am losing hair so soon. So I guess I will just have my brother bring his clippers over for Thanksgiving and we willjust get rid of it once and for all. I didn't think it would go that fast, but like they keep saying everyone is different. The worse change over the weekend has been my taste. NOTHING tastes good. Most of what I have eaten tastes like metal. I am using plastic utencils and straws like they said to, but even water is nasty. The only things that I really can taste are cold chocolate pudding, ice cream, shakes, bananas, lemonade and cheese puffs. Yeah thats really healthy huh! I have to drink the water, at least 1 liter a day so I force it. Grape juice is good but I need to switch over to the white grape. The books say eat when you can, when you have the appetite, and when you don't you must supplement with some snacks. So I am now tracking all I eat so Mom doesn't fuss thinking I don't eat at all.

Tammy was my sitter this weekend LOL.. I didn't think I needed one but everyone insisted. I am having trouble regulating my body temp so one minute I amdripping with sweat and burning up with AC on 66 and the next hour I am freezing with a sweater and blankets on me. Tam didn't complain to much - she was great. BUT now Wayne is home for the week and as soon as he walked in the door was like "whoa what's the air on"! Sorry love - blame it on the CHEMO...its a bitch.

I guess in one way Wayne and I have been very fortunate to have been healthy all these years. We have never really had to take care of one another over anything more serious than a minor surgery. BTW when he had his gallbladder out he was the worst patient. We have been with each other 20 years and this is the big one. An illness like this makes or brakes a marriage/relationship. I promised him on our wedding day 6-12-92 that in sickness and in health I would be by his side and he promised me the same. Unfortunately, now we have to test that vow. I hate that I sometimes feel that I have become or am becoming a burden to him. It's a natural feeling - I am not getting back on the pity wagon. But I do worry about him and how he is taking this, how he is going to manage taking care of me. He is such a wonderful man. He always has been good to me and I know he will get through this with me, but I still worry. Wayne holds alot inside and even though he tries to act like the strong tough guy he is one of the most sensitive guys I know. I mean cmon - he cries when watching Extreme Home Makeover! He doesn't talk to me directly about this whole thing, he talks more in circles of reassurance and tells me we are gonna be just fine. I hope he knows it's ok to cry and it's ok to worry and let it out cause if anything happens to him I don't know what I would do. I love him more than I show him sometimes and I have to work on that big time.

Well here's to the start of the new week, gotta go get my shot in the am and then head to work---so glad I can stay busy there, lots of stuff to work on. I shall post later this week....goodnite all --- thanks for continuing the prayers--- El