Ellen's Life: 10 hours to go - the battle begins

Well I still can't sleep. Got a whopping 1.5 hours last night. Went to work, hosted the Employee of the Month Luncheon, went back to the office and worked until 6ish.... came home made a phone call or 3 or 4, saw my sweet Godchild Aiden and my sis Tam, spent some time with Wayne and the kids and then rechecked my chemo purses to make sure I didn't forget anything for tomorrow. Then made some other calls (we have a new drama happening in the family that could be played like a Lifetime Movie) and spoke to Mom - I know she hates that no one is allowed to stay and sit with you during treatment, not even the first one. She has never left my side and I know she is with me in my heart. I think Wayne is bothered by it to, he says its BS notto let someone come back there especially him or mom so that they can understand and see what i will be going through back there. So anyway I decided to check my Blog and then FB. EYES STILL WIDE OPEN... I know its anxiety and took a Lil something to help that out - just waiting for it to kick in. Tomorrow I want to write about one conversation that I had. It was a real EYE OPENER. i cant do it now cause as soon as I think of this lady and the words we shared I fill up with tears. I promise I will write about it when I get home from chemo. It'such an amazing thing to hear a prayer being answered.

Tomorrow is the big day - the start of my battle - the beginning of the end of this disease. I am so ready. I keep up with my friend Janelle and to see what she is dealing with breaks my heart, I hate that she is in so much pain right now. Then I think well maybe that's a symptom I may have to deal with so I'm glad she warned me about it. Then I read her funny thoughts like the other day a young girl at a store asked her why she shaved her head...really she asked out loud. My friend Sue who we call "red" was there and I cant believe she didn't pop the poor child for being ill mannered. So of course through my tears for Janell's pain what do i do - start laughing. At this point Wayne thinks I have lost it completely.

When I had radiation for the cancer at age 15 my Mom let me go to a parade with my friends. That was in 85 and back then girls (teens) did not wear tshirts and jeans to parades or any event on a weekend night. I clearly remember wearing a long stretch skirt to my ankles, pink of course with a pink satin over sized top that tied in the front and white flats. I don't remember if I had completely finished all of my treatments or not, but my face was a bit round and i had frosted hair - duh Madonna wanna be. We were all walking down the street before the parade and there was group of guys sitting on the bed of a truck. I didn't really know them, but I knew they were Brother Martin Brats (all boys Catholic High School in NOLA). Anyway, one of the boys knew my friend Ron and walked up to say hi. I said hi and turned around to talk to my other friend, my best friend Ryan. When I did I heard the boy say to Ron something like, "why are you hanging out with the cancer chick, isn't she dying or something?" Well before I could move or even have tears in my eyes, Ryan had the boy on his back and well, needless to say, whipped his ass rightfully so. That was the first and last time I ever condoned violence from my friends. I hated fights but man that one was sweet. It was at that moment I knew who my real friends were that night. I hope the "dumb one" grew up to be a good father and has never had to experience a child with cancer. I am thankful every day of my life that my children have been healthy - that is a great gift too often taken for granted. So my kiss your babies even if they are in their 20's or hell their 40's, every chance you get and thank God for their health and pray that you will never have to face cancer whether someone you love or your own.

OK see I am sleep deprived and I keep going in circle here.I'm gonna finish this up and do what I have to do to get some rest. I think a bowl of coco pebbles is calling my name.... ahhhhh SHOOT! just remembered the nurse suggested no caffeine - ouch I guess Im gonna be a real bitch in the am and the whole ride over to Slidell. My poor husband- with witnesses I say now - anything I say or due between now and march 3rd (last scheduled treatment) cannot be held against me. Blame it on the "Ca ah ah ah ah ah a feene"! lol.... i am not kidding - no coffee, no sleep = one ticked off chick......................nite my friends I'll update this tomorrow evening. I was hoping I could take a quick pic if no one is there with me at a certain point, i don't go anywhere without my camera :) until next time....E